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Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog.  ~Doug Larson

If computers get too powerful, we can organize them into committees.  That'll do them in.  ~Author Unknown

The problem with troubleshooting is that trouble shoots back.  ~Author Unknown

Never let a computer know you're in a hurry.  ~Author Unknown

To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.  ~Bill Vaughan, 1969 (Thanks, Garson O'Toole!)

Treat your password like your toothbrush.  Don't let anybody else use it, and get a new one every six months.  ~Clifford Stoll

User, n.  The word computer professionals use when they mean "idiot."  ~Dave Barry

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes.  ~Edsger W. Dijkstra

Computers are like Old Testament gods; lots of rules and no mercy.  ~Joseph Campbell

Computing is not about computers any more.  It is about living.  ~Nicholas Negroponte

Three things are certain:
Death, taxes, and lost data.
Guess which has occurred.
~David Dixon, 1998, winning entry of the Haiku Error Messages 21st Challenge by Charlie Varon and Jim Rosenau, sponsored by

Computers, huh?  I've heard it all boils down to just a bunch of ones and zeroes.... I don't know how that enables me to see naked women, but however it works, God bless you guys.  ~From the television show King of Queens, spoken by the character Doug Heffernan

After growing wildly for years, the field of computing appears to be reaching its infancy.  ~John Pierce

Hardware:  where the people in your company's software section will tell you the problem is.  Software:  where the people in your company's hardware section will tell you the problem is.  ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top

But they are useless.  They can only give you answers.  ~Pablo Picasso, about computers

Computers have lots of memory but no imagination.  ~Author Unknown

Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.
~Suzie Wagner, 1998

As network administrator I can take down the network with one keystroke.  It's just like being a doctor but without getting gooky stuff on my paws.  ~Scott Adams ("Dogbert")

If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.  ~Scott Adams

Database:  the information you lose when your memory crashes.  ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top

A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.  ~Mitch Ratcliffe

Back up my hard drive?  How do I put it in reverse?  ~Author Unknown

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done.  ~Andy Rooney

Don't anthropomorphize computers - they hate it.  ~Author Unknown

Hardware:  the parts of a computer that can be kicked.  ~Jeff Pesis

I haven't lost my mind; I have a tape back-up somewhere.  ~Author Unknown

I just wish my mouth had a backspace key.  ~Author Unknown

Spreadsheet:  a kind of program that lets you sit at your desk and ask all kinds of neat "what if?" questions and generate thousands of numbers instead of actually working.  ~Dave Barry, Claw Your Way to the Top

Don't explain computers to laymen.  Simpler to explain sex to a virgin.  ~Robert A. Heinlein

If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would destroy civilization.  ~One of Murphy's Laws of Technology

A picture is worth a thousand words but it takes 3,000 times the disk space.  ~Author Unknown

If it draws blood, it's hardware.  ~Author Unknown